im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
