Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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