Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
