What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
