is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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