U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
