Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
