Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
