I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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