Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
