I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
