Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
