38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
