her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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