If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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