The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize