I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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