Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
