In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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