grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
