remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
