i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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