I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
zippers are such a cool invention
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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