I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
