if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
