So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
