Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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