I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
