So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize