guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
