I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
