I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
