I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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