Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
