I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
