My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
