I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Soap is not a condiment
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
