Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
