I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
