I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
