he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
