She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
