Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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