the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
