I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
