Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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