Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
