im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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