So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
