I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
no, he came in my armpit
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
