im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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