I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
