I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
kristin has been a bad kristin
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
