I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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