WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
