Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
