maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
