We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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