Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize