i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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