ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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