she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
