I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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