overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize