ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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