The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
