well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
