WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
