all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
a search helicopter?!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
