At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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