At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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