i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
