I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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