Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You left your phone here
Wait...
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